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 You may be about to make your yearly pilgrimage to the relative’s holiday gathering but find that you have a grimace on your face and fear in your heart. Perhaps for you, like so many others, the last get-together with the relatives ended up a stressful fiasco. Maybe you had to deal with a bossy personality. Maybe you were on the receiving end of a conversation with a know-it-all. Possibly you got an uneasy feeling as you witnessed unneeded put-downs or humor used at the expense of a sensitive person. In every crowd, there is the potential that someone will say or do something that will affect others negatively. So what can you do? Do you cut ties with the family, rather than put yourself through another episode? Do you let people bully you? Do you invent some reason to excuse yourself from the event? Chances are if you are already going through a list of possible excuses to make, you have your trouble-radar up. The good news is that there are some personal boundaries you can put into place that will protect you. Whether or not you have a good time is another matter, but in the meantime, you can prepare yourself for meeting with the family. Here’s how: 1. Limit initial contact. In the planning stages, too many opinions regarding how the event should go can become troublesome. It might be best to let others do the planning and just show up. If people tend to read you wrong or attempt to take up too much of your time by email or on the telephone, limit your responses. Don’t make yourself too available. Make up a special email address just for them so they don’t fill your regular inbox with messages that distract you. 2. Limit your time. Speak with your significant other ahead of time to map out a mutually agreed-upon plan. For instance, if you know your time limit for being with certain people is about four hours, then plan a way to leave, and begin the process at about the third hour. 3. Meet in a neutral location. If possible, plan your outing in a restaurant or other similar location. When you find yourself on a controlling family member’s turf, she has more power. If you bring her onto your turf, it will be harder to leave when you’ve had enough. 4. Don’t share too much information. Be careful how much you share. When you share personal details, those listening might feel it’s their job to give you their two cents worth. One little slip of some personal detail, and you may end up on a rabbit trail better avoided. 5. Edit your tongue. It may be very tempting to tell off a big-mouth. That will only make for a tense environment and lead to broken relationships. Buttoning your lip may leave her wondering how you got so wise and matured so quickly. When she sees that you aren’t going to battle, hopefully she’ll drop her assault. 6. Keep your opinions to a minimum. The know-it-all personality will have umpteen reasons as to why your opinion is wrong and, unfortunately, her response might catch you off guard and sour your mood. 7. Use sugar. Do a little play-acting and lather on the compliments. Troublemakers are usually full of themselves, wanting to be the center of attention. Pointing your attention at her will spread good cheer. 8. Listen and nod. Unless you go somewhere merely to eat and watch a movie, there is a 99 percent chance there will be conversation at the function. One of the best tactical approaches to adopt is the “listen and nod” approach. Body language (nodding) and eye contact show interest. Asking questions shows interest. Show that you are listening by repeating back to others what you think you’ve heard them say. The “listen and nod” approach will keep conversation from going downhill. 9. Be a peacemaker. Know what you’re walking into ahead of time. Be prepared to see that certain people may be blind to their own obnoxious ways. It is much better to leave the party having been a peacemaker than a fighter. It is much better to go home without raised blood pressure. 10. Take a walk. If the social climate is feeling “thick,” leave the room. Walking is a good stress reliever. It is hard to change the personalities of others. What you can change is how you let them affect you. ≈ 5 secrets to a merrier Christmas morning ≈ ≈ Too many toys? Stay organized ≈ ≈ 10 tips to manage your family holiday visit ≈ ≈ Toy Insider's Top 20 ≈ <<< Back to main page |
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